RED MEAT retarded, for her pleasure (REVISITED) from the secret files of max cannon
Maybe, maybe she's just asleep.
No son, the truck hit her pretty hard.
You came right up onto the sidewalk, you didn't even hit the brakes.
There was no avoiding it my boy, people come before animals.
Dad dinner was't even that bad! Wait, look, Mom just moaned, let's call an ambulance!
Give me that shovel and turn away son, this is going to get ugly. Artichoke souffle my ass!
2003-05-13 10:46:41DELETEDBy pete

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SComment
7Great beginning, needs a stronger tail. - Tam
7
6not bad, but the other one was better
5
5Still confused about who hit whom with what. Has a joke, but no flow. --poe117
5
5Needs proofreading, has potential -- THM
5
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5"Artichoke souffle my ass" just bloats it
5
5Mmm... "Dad dinner."
5Eh, I think I liked the other better. ~afh
4still does't quite work, and junior two has problems
4This is just ugly.
4
4
3Glad you deleted it.
3
3Read your town charter, boy. Punctuation is important! --VX
3

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