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The bad news is, the College of Cardinals has determined you're technically a fruit, not a person, and therefore you have no soul. When you die, there will be no afterlife for you; you'll simply cease to be.
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The good news is, we can do anything we want to you, and it's not a sin.
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Gee, padre...maybe I should get a second opinion from the Methodists.
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Good idea. I hear Rev. Fletcher has a new juicer he's dying to try out.
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